Tater Tot Tommy

The older I get the fewer rules I can endure. As a child, I was given a list of rules by my parents. It wasn’t an actual list, but these were rules declared over and over and over.

1. Children should be seen and not heard

2. If I want your opinion, I will ask you

3. Eat what is on your plate and stop complaining

4. Don’t look at your sister that way

5. Stop ignoring your sister

6. Sit up straight

7. Go to bed!

8. Get up!

There were likely more that I have decided to forget. Even growing up there were rules, especially after enlisting in the Air Force. There was a rule for everything.

Then I married Judy and she came with a long list of rules!

Now, finally, I am the proverbial camel, or alpaca as I prefer.

I am tired or rules. For instance, if I typed:

How much would, wood a would chuck chuck

If a would chuck could chuck would?

Wood you no watt eye meant?

EXACTLY.

How about these words:

RECIEVE

WIERD

BELIEVE

You knew what words they were and does anyone really care if there is a sea involved and where it came or went? Isn’t it enough that I have driving glasses in order to stay off the sidewalks?

So I wrote this letter to my congressman demanding action. I know the Supreme Court is busy these days, but after reviewing what cases had been presented to them, it seemed like I had a real shot.

Deer Mr. Golden

Eye am won of you’re constituents and wood like your help inn changing the rules of hour English language. There are two many of them and wee awl get confused. This request is knot just because eye don’t like rules. It also provides us the ability to decrease the number of words wee halve to use every day and mite even dew away with Thesauruses. Why dew wee need awl those words that mean the same, any weigh?

Eye realize ewe halve a busy schedule, butt eye wood bee happy if ewe wood at least entertained this request. While eye don’t think it wood solve any world problems, simplifying our language just mite bring us awl a little closer together. Case inn point: who versus whom. If eye use who when eye should halve used whom, the elitists look down upon me. Does any won really care anymore? Should wee?

The average bill past bye Congress last year contained over 35,000 words. My resolution wood reduce that bye 30%, saving thyme, paper and money. Their are sew many opportunities two make hour nation stronger. This is just won example.

Thank ewe inn advance four this opportunity two express my concerns and thoughts fore a brighter tomorrow.

I am still waiting to hear back from Mr. Golden!

Let’s wrap up with a poem from Tater Tot Tommy:

I love to eat my tater tots

They look so yummy in my bowl

I do not use a fork or spoon

Fingers get them to my pie hole

My mother cooks them everyday

And must buy ketchup every week

I get that red stuff in my hair

Up my nose and on my cheek

Mom gets them frozen in a box

She buys them by the dozen

There’s hardly any left

When I have to share them with my cousin

But one thing I know for sure

Is that broccoli stinks a lot

And it cannot hold a candle

To the vegetable called a tot!

Joe Alpaca’s Rules:

1. Brew a cup of coffee

2. Look out the window

3. If it is raining, finish your coffee

4. If it is not raining, refer to #3

5. Look at your honey do list

6. Brew a second cup of coffee and pray for rain